Saturday, June 18, 2005


I am on my own in Canberra until my family arrives. Goddamit I miss my family. Mostly it hits home when I am out and about and I see a Dad with his kids. I speak to my wife on the phone a lot because we are trying to buy a house in Canberra while she and the boys are still in Sydney. We are doing OK. We have targeted a property in our favourite suburb and are well down the road of the purchase. But by golly when I see a couple of siblings giving each other hell while the parent is trying to do the shopping I get this stabbing pang in my heart and my throat constricts. My own two boys jump right out through my heart and I cannot hug their apparitions.

Death must be like that. I know I still miss my mum who died in 1990. That strength of loss is no longer there. I remember when I could not talk about her without fighting uncontrollable tears. I saw a woman on the TV a couple of nights ago. She had lost her daughter to a needless suicide. She rightly had someone to blame and while listening to her cope with speaking about her inability to understand the actions that led to her daughter's death I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.


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