Saturday, June 18, 2005


I am on my own in Canberra until my family arrives. Goddamit I miss my family. Mostly it hits home when I am out and about and I see a Dad with his kids. I speak to my wife on the phone a lot because we are trying to buy a house in Canberra while she and the boys are still in Sydney. We are doing OK. We have targeted a property in our favourite suburb and are well down the road of the purchase. But by golly when I see a couple of siblings giving each other hell while the parent is trying to do the shopping I get this stabbing pang in my heart and my throat constricts. My own two boys jump right out through my heart and I cannot hug their apparitions.

Death must be like that. I know I still miss my mum who died in 1990. That strength of loss is no longer there. I remember when I could not talk about her without fighting uncontrollable tears. I saw a woman on the TV a couple of nights ago. She had lost her daughter to a needless suicide. She rightly had someone to blame and while listening to her cope with speaking about her inability to understand the actions that led to her daughter's death I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

Thursday, June 09, 2005


I have moved. I am in the delightful city of Canberra. I am working here but my family is still in Sydney until the end of the month. I miss them and luckily they are coming to visit for the weekend.

Canberra, although geographically close to Sydney, the culture is quite different. It is a much more easy going place. It is not ruled by the pursuit of money like Sydney. It is the seat of national government and is a quiet achiever. The people are much more focussed on the quality and results of their work in relation to themselves and the nation. There isn't the unnerving company fervour that is prevalent in Sydney. In Canberra there is a loyalty to the work that needs to be done rather than who owns the means to make it possible. It makes for an interesting bunch of people. It's a "public service" ethic with all the advantages and disadvantages that this entails.

My observations continue.